10 Strange Things People Have Found In Their Backyard

10. $175,000 Worth of Weed

A man’s idea to install solar panels led to the discovery of $175,000 worth of pot. Digging around in his backyard, Mack Reed stumbled across an open vault hidden underneath a hot tub. Reed called in a technician to take a look, and it was then that he spied a bag stuffed inside. In the bag was the mother lode of weed. There were about sixty little bottles containing weed, and sealed bags with other kinds of drugs. Mack Reed briefly considered all the money he could make from this exciting find, realizing that he could get back all the capital he used for an online business. He then decided that the person who hid the pot would most likely want it back, and he didn’t want to be the unlucky person who got in the way of them. When Reed reported his discovery to the LAPD, they didn’t seem to take it too seriously. They even asked Reed to drive the stash to the station, as every police officer was busy. Pressing the fact that driving around with drugs in his car was a terrible idea, Reed finally got a supervisor sent to his home. When Sergeant Legaspi finally arrived at Reed’s home, she confiscated the drugs and suggested that he remove the hatches of the vault just in case the owner came back for it. Afraid that one of his children might fall into the open hole, Reed printed out a polite but firm message and stuck it on the hatch. It read: “We found it and called LAPD. They confiscated it and are now watching the place. Sorry.”

9. Alligator

Hearing a strange sound emanating from her backyard on a hot May afternoon, Sharon Bente took it upon herself to investigate. She was taken aback to see an eight foot alligator swimming in the pool. She immediately called her husband and he saw that the reptile had clawed a hole right through their patio screen. While the two watched, the alligator tried to lift itself out of the pool but failed, so he just continued to swim around. Finally an alligator trapper came and was able to remove the reptile. The alligator was taken to a nearby farm, while the Bente couple put up a new patio screen. They’re probably still not sleeping as soundly as they should be, though.

8. A Ferrari

In 1978 a car in good condition was discovered buried in a Los Angeles yard. This sparked a police investigation, where it was found that the car had been reported stolen in 1974. The story starts in 1977 with the burial of Sandra Ilene West. Unconventionally to say the least, West was not buried in a coffin. Her last wish was to be buried seated inside her blue 1964 Ferrari 330 America. West was a widow when she died at the age of 37 of an accidental overdose of pills at her Beverly Hills house. According to instructions in her will, she and her beloved car were shipped to San Antonio so that both could be buried next to her late husband. The car and its occupant were lowered into a concrete bunker with cement poured inside and over it, in the hope that this would keep people with long fingers away from the car. Almost a year later, a group of children were playing around in the mud outside an ordinary LA home when they hit something below the ground. They flagged down a police officer, who discovered a green Dino 246 GTS buried in the yard. This gave people chills, as they remembered the strange funeral of Sandra Ilene West, but in this case the driver’s seat was unoccupied. Police found it had been bought in 1974 and stolen the same year. However, they couldn’t figure out how the car got there. The owners of the house had only been living there a couple of months when the car was found, and were dumbstruck as to who may have buried it. It was clear that someone was planning to come back for it by the way it was wrapped in plastic, but they obviously never got the chance. The car remains unlisted on any registry, and the mystery of who stole and buried it also remains.

7. Ancient Stone

An ancient stone that was recorded in legal papers dating back to 1170 was discovered by an amateur historian after he researched the history of his own home. Stephen Davis read up on the history of the house he owned and came across a reference to an ancient stone that was thought to have marked a burial plot from the Bronze Age dating back to about 2,500 B.C. The land was declared a common area after a case regarding the ownership of it landed in court during the 14th Century. The last reference made to the stone was in 1636 when it was mentioned in a tax document. The property Stephen lives on was sold more than three hundred years ago and currently forms part of an estate. Davis and a friend used the documents to try and find the ancient stone. They didn’t have any real faith that they would actually find it after all this time, so they were astonished to actually discover it in Davis’ own backyard, completely covered in ivy. At the time of the find, the Historic Buildings and Monuments Commission for England was expected to pronounce the stone a “scheduled ancient monument.”

6. Metal Door to the Past

What would you do if you discovered a metal door hidden in your backyard? The Zwick family was faced with this decision and they hesitated for ten years before they decided to get the door open and have a peek at what was inside. When the door swung open they found a metal bunker in the ground. A ladder was fastened to the side and the family saw that the bunker was flooded with water. They had found a war shelter dating back to the Cold War. Cardboard boxes were floating around, so the family fished them out. Inside they found a stash of food and snacks, obviously meant to sustain a war-affected family should they have needed to hide away. The food included candy, raisins, syrup and other non-perishable foods. Paper towels, candles, a telephone directory and even a garden hose were also found, all with the original ’60s packaging. The Zwick family had found a portal to the past. After all the excitement of the find, they donated the goods to the Neenah Historical Society.

5. Mystery Object

Digging for worms in their backyard led two Kitchener sisters to something mysterious. They dug up what appeared to be a shiny rock. The object almost glowed in a blue color and was as big as the sisters’ heads. At first they thought that the object was part of a meteorite that fell in the region the month before. However, earth sciences professor Phil McCausland disagreed, saying that the visible layer of the object should have been much darker if it really was part of a meteorite. He also stated that most meteorite remains are found on top of the ground or just inside it, never deep in the soil. So a gem expert, Gary Winkler, was contacted and asked to analyze the object. Winkler found that it was definitely not a gem of any known kind. He also speculated that the object was not of natural origins but that a person deliberately buried it. The mystery remains, but the sisters are planning to sell the object should it turn out to be something of great value.

4. Human Remains

The residents of a brand new home in Yuba City, California got a little spooked when their family dog scratched a pot out of the ground that contained human remains. Police and anthropologists descended upon the house to investigate the find, and decided that the discovery may the remains of a religious ritual. After a routine search of the property, other artifacts such as doll fragments and unexplained objects were also discovered that tie in with the remains. The owner of the dog, Nathaniel Oberman, told police that he wasn’t too concerned when his dog dug up what looked like the head of a porcelain doll, but got freaked out when he saw the pot with a skull in it. Oberman also confirmed that machetes and coins were found. It remains a mystery as to whose remains they were and who buried them.

3. Woolly Mammoth Bones

John from Iowa and his two boys were picking blackberries in the thickly wooded area on their property in 2010 when one of the boys thought he spotted a ball in the distance. Upon getting closer to the object John saw that it was no ball, but was in fact a bone sticking out of the ground. He started digging and eventually produced a four foot femur. He took the bone to the University of Iowa, where it was identified as belonging to a woolly mammoth that lived during the Ice Age. Fossil experts undertook two digs on John’s property and discovered foot bones as well as rib bones. Even though it’s not that unusual to find mammoth bones in Iowa, it’s very unusual to find an entire skeleton. The head is still missing, and John is allowed to keep the bones until all of them are found.

2. Mastodon Bones

Renovations to a backyard pond in Hyde Park, New York turned into a full scale excavation after the owner discovered a large bone at the bottom. Larry Lozier was dredging the pond so he could make it deeper when he came across the bone buried in mud. Thinking it might be a bone from a cow or horse, he loaded it onto his truck and drove around with it for a few days. He even took it to a barbeque and his friends took a look at it. No one believed it could be from a mastodon until Lozier called Dr. Christopher R. Lindner, who took a drive to his Hyde Park home to take a look. Lindner immediately saw that this was an ancient fossil bone and arranged for an excavation to take place on the property, centered inside the pond where the first bone was found. Family and friends also took part, digging up a few small bones here and there. However, it was the experts that dug up a pelvis and lower vertebrae. A couple of days later, with the help of a backhoe, the mastodon’s skull was found. Lozier is now the proud owner of up to ninety mastodon bones. As soon as all the bones are found, they’re likely to become a major exhibit in a newly planned museum. It’s thought that the nine foot tall mastodon died in the pond twelve thousand years ago after getting stuck in the mud.

1. Aboriginal Skeleton

It’s not everyday that the discovery of an 400 year old skeleton costs a family $5,000. Ken Sauve discovered bones in the yard while trying to create holes deep enough for fence posts. Thinking the bones belong to an animal, Ken quickly forgot about them. When his wife Nicole pressed the issue, they kept digging and eventually unearthed the skeleton of an aboriginal woman. Forensic anthropologist Michael Spencer investigated the site and found that the woman was in her mid-twenties when she died sometime during the 1600s. He analyzed the teeth of the skeleton and determined that the woman was part of a community that hunted and fished for a living. Spencer is convinced that the woman was a descendant of the merchants of the Ojibwa trade network. The Registrar of Cemeteries instructed Nicole and her husband to find an archaeologist to assess the rest of their backyard, but they would have to cover the costs themselves. The bill stood at $5,000, and appealing to the mayor of their town reaped no results. Their Member of Provincial Parliament, Bob Bailey, read about the couple’s find and financial woes and advised them to declare the bill an undue financial restraint, which would possibly get the Registrar to reimburse them. In the meantime, the skeleton was moved to the nearby Aamjiwnaang First Nation Cemetery where a traditional ceremony was performed.

GMM'S The Face Blanket

Status Quo - Pictures Of Matchstick Men (1968)

GMM'S Stupidest Products You Must Have

The Tremeloes - Silence is Golden

Vertigo World's Quote of the Day

GMM'S Alex & Eddie Try On Shoes

GMM'S Will It Shoe?

Vertigo World's Quote of the Day

The Bangles - Be With You

The Mythical Show Ep.1 (Feat. Goorgen "SHIFT IT" & The Fine Bros)

Rhett & Link's "SHIFT IT" - Amazing Transmission Commercial

Oh My Love - John Lennon and George Harrison

GMM'S 10 Most Awesome World Records

John Lennon and George Harrison in 1971 recording Oh My Love

Vertigo World's Quote of the Day

WatchMojo's Top 10 Sexy Sci-Fi Babes

George Harrison - Blow Away

WatchMojo's Top 10 Sexy Female Aliens

Rhett & Link's Are You Gonna Eat That? (SONG)

Rhett & Link Channel Trailer

GMM'S 9 Fictional Pets That Should Be Real

10 Experiments in Internet Radio

10. Slug Radio

“Where classic and modern alternative music collide.”

The first time I tuned into this Seattle Internet station they were playing a single by the Cheatahs, “The Swan.” With an impressive swath of alternative, from 80s punk and industrial to modern tracks by bands like Cloud Boat (a borderline jazz outfit from Great Britain), the station brushes the edges of mainstream alternative with bands like U2 and Arcade Fire. With no commercials, the station relies on donations from services like Flattr to exist. Besides iTunes, the station has nearly a dozen other access points from which you can listen. It proudly declares that it pays royalty fees through stream licensing. As an alternative music savant, once they played the Dum Dum Girls’ classic “Coming Down” Slug Radio had officially made me a convert — they fulfilled what they promised in their tagline.

9. Intersonik

“Post Punk, Underground, Electronica, African Beats, Krautrock, Ambient, New Wave Music Shows.”

At first listen, I quickly identified the artist playing as Paul McCartney. Not exactly obscure, but from there it was off to the land of punk, electronica, and the underground. Intersonik hails from Athens, Greece, but it sounded an awful lot like an awesome American college radio station on acid. Maybe not quite understanding the way Facebook works, Intersonik is listed as a person with thousands of friends. I would chalk that matter up to translation issues. Intersonik is available across multiple platforms and even has tie-ins with some local clubs in Athens. Because some of the website is in Greek I expected local European artists, but was surprised that Intersonik was at shows for American bands touring Europe like the Brian Jonestown Massacre, Helmet, and the Violent Femmes, which reinforces my belief that Intersonik is really a college radio station lost in the space-time continuum, beaming from about 1995.

8. Dynamic Range Radio

“No Compression. No Limits. Canada’s Eclectic Alternative 24/7 and Commercial Free.”

As Dynamic Range Radio hails from Vancouver, I was hoping to hear one of my favorite Vancouverite indie bands, Nomeansno. Instead of punk, I was treated to some laid back country, laid back rock, laid back folk and, to complete the dynamic range, some laid back reggae. Is marijuana legal British Columbia? Because this station sounds like it’s broadcasting from a studio full of smoke mixed with incense. If you love Dynamic Range Radio, they take donations from practically every payment form available, and are one of the few internet stations with some online content outside of the realm of music. If you’re unsure if you’d like them, they’re clear about the top 100 artists they’ve played over the past years. (Hint: Bob Marley is near the top.)

7. The 8bitX Radio Network

“Video game remixes, geek rock and chip music, all day!”

As I scanned the last songs played list I didn’t recognize a single artist, which is quite a feat. I did recognize a handful of video games that the songs came from, but wow, talk about obscure music. Not bad, mind you, just different. The station has a mission statement that reads, “to entertain the masses while exploiting the memories of our youth while bringing back feelings of nostalgia.” I don’t think people listening to the 8-Bit Network had the same childhood as me, maybe because the kids in Philadelphia are different than those in the Midwest. Or maybe because my personal musical experiences don’t include hardcore gaming tracks from Metroid.

6. Head Case Radio

“Ultra-deep mix of just about everything, plus some of the world’s finest unsigned indie bands and artists.”

Back in the great Northwest, Head Case Radio has been chugging along in Seattle for nearly a decade. With a set of live DJs wedged into 24 hours of chaos, the description on Head Case Radio’s Facebook page is a paragraph long sentence that basically says ‘literally anything.’ There’s even a section for unsigned bands to submit their music for airplay, which is pretty neat. The only problem with playing absolutely anything is that it can be quite a roller coaster ride for the listener to hear the latest Dillinger Escape Plan tune, followed by Conway Twitty, followed by the biggest folk sensation from Bangor, Maine, and then INXS. The station almost challenges you to stay tuned. There’s a parental warning for explicit content label on the homepage for the impressionable youth unable to comprehend radical musical shifts.

5. Radio Kilo Disc

“Classic Tracks from the Top 1,000 Best Selling Albums 1956-Present.”

Toronto has really nailed the spirit of the mixtape. With Adele my first exposure to the station, followed by a rousing rendition of the gospel classic “Amazing Grace” and a deep cut from the Dusty Springfield catalog, I technically heard all semi-familiar tunes — but I’m not familiar with any hits format that would play those songs 1-2-3. Returning to the station, I was greeted with rare versions of classics from Black Sabbath, Bruce Springsteen, and Neil Diamond. An interesting fact about Radio Kilo Disc — they have a helpful playlist of what will be coming up for the week.

4. Yknot Radio

“The Best in Rock, Retro, Pop, Alternative, Talk, Comedy, and More!”

Greeted with two very familiar tunes by Pearl Jam and Kenny Loggins that I hear almost daily on local radio, I thought I had made a mistake by sampling Yknot Radio. But my patience was rewarded with comedy clips and more obscure fair from popular artists such as Mick Jagger and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Searching for the whereabouts of Yknot Radio headquarters was a bit more of a challenge, but I believe they’re broadcasting from somewhere near Rockford, Illinois. Their website also declares that they pay royalties through their stream licensing agreement, and they too accept donations. Like most of the more established stations on this list, their social media presence seems to be their lifeline to their listeners, and they have multiple formats from which you can access the stream.

3. Dave’s Strange Radio

“Garage punk, classic rock/soul, weird stuff.”

Jumping from Generation X to the Electric Light Orchestra in a matter of moments, Dave had me locked in from the start. A fairly new station, its tagline is the modest “the greatest radio station in the world.” Before I could figure out more details, Neutral Milk Hotel and the Cocteau Twins were coming through my speakers. The station is a ground level endeavor that lacks details, as Dave’s Strange Radio could be coming anywhere and anyone (well, anyone named Dave). But the gentleman has a vision. As the 15 minute live version of a Traffic song played, I couldn’t help but admire the plucky attitude of Dave.

2. Planet Pootwaddle

“420 Baby Boomer Paradise.”

I had a little apprehension about this station when first tuning in due to all the wink wink references to a certain illegal in 48 states herb, but my hesitation was quickly alleviated when I heard an amazing bluesy tune called “The Whale Have Swallowed Me” by Tommy Castro. As I continued to listen, the focus of this station seemed to be on classic rock. Not the classic rock overplayed by so many stations, but early artists from Bill Haley and Chuck Berry to about the time of Fleetwood Mac. What else is in the Boomer Paradise? Apparently rockabilly, Hawaiian, new wave, 40s pop, country, blues, and the list goes on. There’s something soothing and welcoming about Planet Pootwaddle — it’s almost like going into an audial version of a neat little antique store. “An oasis of ear candy” streams from sunny Southern California, and there’s even a Pootwaddle App.

1. Poplie

“Urban humming stereo.”

Poplie’s web design is an ultra-cool layout that made me want to like the station. Being an American, half of the site is impenetrable even with the aid of Internet translation. After listening to Poplie for hours now, everything other than an Aaliyah remix was brand spanking new to me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the concept of urban humming stereo. Perhaps it’s a smooth jazzy, electronic and lounge blend. Perhaps it’s a punky, feedback driven, subconscious sound immersion. Or perhaps it’s a basement DJ simply spinning songs at an underground European hipster rave. Whatever it is, it’s worth checking out.

Dion - The Wanderer

Vertigo World's Quote of the Day

GMM'S Hot Dogs are Choking Hazards

GMM'S Hot Dogs vs. Hamburgers: Debate-o-Rama

Top 10 Ridiculous Food Challenges You Should Never Try

10. Habanero Challenge

This is perhaps one of the most well-known food challenges; people love to cram as many spicy peppers in their mouths as possible and see how long they can go before they need a drink. In all actuality, no one really enjoys it; their friends enjoy watching them do it and taping the results. This sort of activity is a social thing and usually precipitated by heavy peer pressure. Also, restaurants challenge people to eat large amounts of wings with Habanero sauce for the honor of being on their Wall of Fame and winning a free beer. That’s usually a pretty good way to inspire someone to do something dumb. Among the worst peppers out there are the Habanero and ghost pepper. Some people online actually go to the trouble to review peppers for hotness, and obviously have graded both of these quite high.While the Habanero can be quite painful to consume, it luckily isn’t particularly dangerous if you can handle spice well. The ghost pepper on the other hand, is actually quite dangerous and shouldn’t be consumed whole as a challenge. A pepper that strong is best put in very small quantities in a large dish. And then thrown into a deep, deep pit and never spoken of ever again.

9. Pickle Challenge

The pickle challenge is probably one of the most disgusting food challenges on the planet, even if you like pickles. While there isn’t a lot of documentation on this specific one, probably because most people don’t want to do it, there are a few points that seem to be pretty common. The most obvious aspect of the challenge is that you eat an entire jar of pickles and all of the juice therein. Some people impose a time limit on this, because God forbid you dilly-dally on shoving that many pickles and disgusting juice down your throat. We aren’t sure why people enjoy wasting all this food; perhaps pickles were the only thing they had in the house.

8. Hamburger Challenge

Many restaurants have done the enormous burger thing, but one has gone so far as to make a burger weighing 6 pounds. The recipe includes two whole onions and two whole tomatoes, and at least one whole head of lettuce. The restaurant also offers slightly less gargantuan burgers that are only 3 pounds, in case you’re not feeling particularly hungry that day. Like many restaurants, if you can eat the entire cow that they shoved between a loaf’s worth of bun, they will give you all sorts of prizes, such as the meal being free. One site has even come up with a home order version of the challenge. Basically, they give you a recipe, you make the enormous burger and tape yourself eating it within two hours. If you pull it off, you win $500, which unfortunately won’t be enough to cover the hospital bill for what you did to your body.

7. Saltine Challenge

The saltine challenge sounds ridiculously easy at first. You are supposed to eat six tiny saltines in a minute. At ten seconds per cracker, that seems like nothing. Except it’s actually quite difficult, not to mention horrible. The salt, plus the dryness of the crackers, makes it essentially impossible to get them down within the time limit. Some people have tried on multiple occasions, and still been left with about two crackers at the end. While this challenge is basically impossible, and incredibly pointless, at the very least it’s safer and less wasteful than many of the others.

6. Milk Challenge

The milk challenge is one of those activities that happen when you and a group of people you have nothing in common with are so bored that vomiting dairy products all over the room sounds like a good idea. The idea of the challenge is to drink an entire gallon of milk in just one hour without puking any of it back up. Most people who haven’t tried it think it sounds fairly easy, but the human body just isn’t very good at processing that much dairy at once. Except for Kobayashi, but that’s because he’s almost certainly a space alien. One person was so enamored by the challenge, and the never-ending failure of those who attempt it, that he created a website just to document everything about it it. It’s filled with picture after picture of people puking up milk, which is exactly the kind of content that Al Gore envisioned when he invented the Internet.

5. Oreo Challenge

While most of these are solely about gluttony, some challenges are just plain silly. This is one of those. The Oreo challenge actually has nothing to do with how many you eat. Instead, you twist the Oreo apart and lick the white filling, then you stick the cookie on your forehead and attempt to eat it without using your hands. Of course, people have made videos of themselves doing this, because some things should be saved for posterity, and in case the robots need yet another reason to enslave us all without a second thought.

4. Garlic Challenge

While the kids today don’t really enjoy eating large amounts of garlic, that doesn’t mean certain people haven’t made a sport of it. Some places actually host garlic eating contests, where the winner gets actual money, which they presumably then spend on tons of mouthwash in an attempt to anybody to come near them ever again. Just as crazy is the tale of a Japanese man who decided to eat a hamburger with 100 slices of onion, garlic’s more accomplished cousin. He didn’t finish the gigantic burger, not because it was a giant hamburger, but because he was really sick of the taste of onion. Because that’s exactly why people partake in these stupid challenges. Taste.

3. Cinnamon Challenge

This is actually fairly popular as a rite of passage among young people daring each other into permanent YouTube embarrassment. This challenge consists of eating an entire tablespoon of cinnamon in less than a minute, with nothing to wash it down. The challenge sounds pretty simple, but you already know it’s not. Cinnamon is simply so dry that it pretty much immediately removes all the saliva from your mouth, making it near-impossible to swallow. While no one has yet died thanks to this stupid stunt, many people have suffered serious lung damage, not to mention a horrible case of something called Dragon’s Breath. Generally, “dragon” in front of something means “hot as hell and the sure sign of a bad time.” Maybe the garlic eating champion can lend these clowns a bit of mouthwash.

2. Jell-O Challenge

The Jell-O challenge has quite a few variations, but the most popular one is to make a cup of Jell-O and down it in less than a minute, without sending it right back up. However, some people approach it similarly to the cinnamon challenge, and actually attempt to eat an entire dry packet of Jell-O. Because the real problem with downing cinnamon wasn’t that it was dry and impossible to swallow, but that it didn’t taste like strawberry.

1. Banana and Sprite Challenge

The banana and Sprite challenge is possibly the stupidest idea mankind has ever devised, aside from war and the Virtual Boy. The challenge consists of eating two bananas, and drinking an entire liter of Sprite, as quickly as possible. This pretty much always leads to projectile vomiting, but that’s not the reason why this challenge is so mind-bogglingly dumb. No, it’s dumb because, unlike some challenges, you’re expected to vomit. Keeping everything down is not generally a requirement; the only thing judges care about is how fast you can shove everything down your throat. What happens afterwards is strictly your own disgusting business.

Vertigo World's Quote of the Day

Top 10 Songs Too Long For Their Own Good

10. Marrow – Yob (2014)

You’ve never heard of Yob? Well Rolling Stone magazine named Marrow “the best metal song of the year, one that uses low notes to play uplifting melodies.” Clocking in at nearly 19 minutes, the song is a mesmerizing blend of doom with haunting vocals. As a matter of fact, the album Clearing the Path to Ascend is a 4 song, hour long journey into the dark unknown. This song is an incredible testament to focus as the Oregon trio holds a melody together just the right amount of time to tell the story they want to tell.

9. Coma – Guns and Roses (1991)

And on the other end of the metal spectrum, Coma is an unfocused, meandering effort that balloons just past the 10 minute mark. It’s a bloated song on a bloated double album that doesn’t belong on this list, at least, up until the 8 minute mark, that is. Then something magical happens as pain and frustration pours from Rose’s soul. Match that with an amazing guitar bed, you want to listen to the song again and again. 8 minutes of anticipation for 2 ½ minutes of pure, unadulterated genius. If the G’n’R management team would have just trimmed the first 5 or 6, or even 7 or 8 minutes off, I’m convinced that the Coma edit would have been a hit. Doesn’t matter, Use Your Illusion I & II yielded 13 other singles for the band as Coma closed an Illusion I album that sold over 7 million copies and ran for over 75 minutes. With current events being such as they are, it is interesting to note that in 1991, Wal-Mart executives balked at Guns and Roses and said “(we) feel that revenue realized from the sales of a record with objectionable lyrics would be more than offset by the discontent it might cause customers for making such product available to children.” Then the band put a warning label of their own on the album, if you don’t like the words then you can “f@#k off and go buy something from the new age section.” Eventually management capitulated to Wal-Mart and the chain got the single Use Your Illusion disc with the least objectionable 12 songs from Use Your Illusions I & II on it, Coma not included.

8. Trapped in the Drive-Thru – “Weird” Al Yankovic (2006)

Off of Yankovic’s Poodle Hat album, Trapped in the Drive-Thru was a parody of the song Trapped in the Closet by R. Kelly. Yankovic’s skills as a parodist are amazing as he takes kind of a bizarre story by Kelly and makes it as “banal and mundane” as humanly possible. The clever concept of going contrarian earned Yankovic the #77 spot on the Rolling Stone Top 100 songs of 2006. A year later the video came out and despite the 11 minute running time, notched well over 5 million views on YouTube. Though known for his parodies, starting in 1989 Yankovic began experimenting with long, story based songs. Besides Trapped, Yankovic also has these lengthy cuts: The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota(6:50), Albuquerque (11:23), Genius in France (8:58), and Jackson Park Express (9:05).

7. The Diamond Sea – Sonic Youth (1995)

The album version of the Diamond Sea is a 20 minute ode to the indulgences of feedback in the era of grunge. The 7 minute single is a beautiful alternative classic, arguably one of the most beloved of the 90’s. Even though the Washing Machine album only topped out at #58 on the album charts, it was still Sonic Youth’s 3rd most popular in terms of U.S. sales. More of a cult underground band for most if its 30 year existence, the band ceased to exist with the divorce of founding members Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon. Personally, my favorite Sonic Youth long song is Titanium Exposé (only 6 ½ minutes), but when researching this article, I found this review on Stereogum. This reviewer really, really liked the Diamond Sea: “an awe-inspiring masterpiece of improvisation, The Diamond Sea is a moiré of atonal scrambling and harmonic scree that feels far too short at 19 ½ minutes. “

6. Welcome to the Pleasuredome- Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1984)

The album Welcome to the Pleasuredome sold a million copies, pre-order. Stop and think about that fact for a second, in a modern era where albums rarely notch the million sales mark, Pleasuredome started with a million copy head start. The title track was the 4th single, but had to be trimmed down from its 13+ minute running time. Thirteen minutes of glorious reveling in musical debauchery. Now the lyrics are loosely based on the poem Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, but if you’re familiar with the Frankie Goes to Hollywood gang, I don’t think they shared the same visions of debauchery as Coleridge. The song peaked at #2 in the UK and spawned literally dozens of remixes, singles, and 7” versions, some as short as 3 minutes, but some remixes actually made Pleasuredome LONGER.

5. Third Eye – Tool (1996)

The closing track on 1996’s album Ænima, Third Eye’s lyrics are a reference to accepting one’s gifts of extrasensory perception. Okay, that’s strictly my interpretation. The elusive Tool members allow the audience to translate their lyrics with interpretations as varied as LSD hallucinations to the opening of the male phallus. Ænima was the rare album that spawned multiple singles, yet still was a multi-million unit seller and critically acclaimed all at the same time. With memorable videos for nearly every song, Third Eye opens with a memorable quote from the late comedian Bill Hicks. At 14 minutes, Third Eye pushed the total running time of Ænima to nearly 80 minutes. On the live version of Third Eye, drug-guru Timothy Leary extols the audience with these words “to think for yourself, you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.” The true meaning of Third Eye is hidden in the words of Leary.

4. Maggot Brain – Funkadelic (1971)

In Cleveland Ohio, everyone knows Maggot Brain. For nearly 40 years, some station in the area would play the song between midnight and 2 am on every single Saturday night. Unbeknownst to me, this was not a nationwide occurrence. Well that’s not my fault that the rest of the nation is so out of the loop. George Clinton himself opens the song with a short spoken word segment, and then it’s off to never, never land with 10 more minutes of what is essentially an Eddie Hazel guitar solo. Despite many theories of what’s the meaning of Maggot Brain, Clinton himself answered the question in a 2013 interview with the equally open ended answer “all the bulls@!t that we feed our mind.” Despite being in his mid-seventies, Clinton still conducts the Funk-Train as he leads a version of the Funkadelic-Parliament on tour to this very day. (Tour is scheduled through 2015, though Clinton is open to touring more.) Over a 100 members have gone through the revolving door that is the Funkadelic-Parliament machine, but it is Maggot Brain that almost single-handedly put Eddie Hazel on Rolling Stone’s 100 Greatest Guitarists list. Hazel never received that honor, or the honor of being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, he died of liver failure in 1992.

3. 3 Days – Jane’s Addiction (1990)

This song is seemingly more well known for the banned cover art that graces the Ritual de lo Habitual album than the masterfully crafted 10 minutes opus inspired by a drug fueled threesome experienced by lead singer Perry Ferrell. The cover artwork is a visual representation of every song on the album, with 3 Days as the focus. By focusing the art on 3 Days primarily, the Jane’s Addiction boys found themselves in the cross hairs of Wal-Mart. The controversy forced band management to go with an alternate cover, then the band came back with an alternative black and white cover with the First Amendment as the artwork and this message on the back “Hitler’s syphilis-ridden dreams almost came true. How could it happen? By taking control of the media. An entire country was led by a lunatic…We must protect our First Amendment before sick dreams become law. Nobody made fun of Hitler??!” As for the song itself, Ferrell crafts the erotic, yet blasphemous, story, while Dave Navarro counters with blazing guitar solos that almost turn 3 Days into a duet between singer and guitar. Tensions between band members would cause Jane’s Addiction to blow apart after Ritual de lo Habitual, but Jane’s Addiction would reunite in 1997, and 2001, and 2008. The band is currently on hiatus.

2. Shine on You Crazy Diamond – Pink Floyd (1975)

Dedicated to Syd Barrett, who ironically popped in from self-imposed exile to hear some of the recording session, Shine On (Parts I- V) is a 13 minute exercise in perseverance which imposes its will on most of the Wish You Were Here album. Shine On also has an accompanying Shine On (Parts VI-IX) which is an additional 12 minutes. As a founding member of Pink Floyd, Barrett only led the band for the recording of 1967’s The Piper at the Gates of Dawn. Erratic behavior and extreme drug use drove Barrett from the band in 1968, 6 years after meeting Roger Waters, Nick Mason, and Richard Wright and performing under different incarnations of Pink Floyd. Coming off of the legendary Dark Side of the Moon effort, Shine On You Crazy Diamond was never released as a single, but garners almost constant airplay on Classic Rock radio formats. How is a 13 minute song in constant rotation? When the opening track on your album sells 15 million copies, that’s how.

1. Alice’s Restaurant Massacree – Arlo Guthrie (1967)

Another radio favorite, I always hear this song on Thanksgiving Day. Partially because of tradition, but also because the producer of every radio station in the United States wants an 18 minute break while getting stuck working on Thanksgiving. Now, Alice’s Restaurant Massacree is the lead single on Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant album. Not to be confused with the Alice’s Restaurant movie made 2 years later which also starred Alro Guthrie. Not surprisingly, Guthrie is most associated with his 1967 release, which is essentially a long, clever story about littering and the effects of which impaired his ability to be drafted into the Vietnam War. All the while, Guthrie plays the same musical loop on his acoustic guitar. After listening to it yet again with a more critical ear, the most astounding thing is how well Guthrie captures the essence of the 60’s.

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10 Drugs That You Won’t Believe Used to Be Legal

 

10. Opium

Its usage is much older, but this form of dried juice from the opium poppy became popular in the United States during the 19th Century. Back then, it was freely prescribed by doctors and even available at grocery stores. Chinese laborers had brought the practice of opium smoking to the West during the mid-nineteenth century, and laudanum, a solution of opium and alcohol, was also popular. Opium was often given to women to treat menstrual cramps and to infants to help with teething pain. Around the turn of the 20th Century, most opium addicts were older women. San Francisco first banned opium dens in 1875, and California restricted opium possession in 1907. The 1914 Harrison Narcotics Tax Act effectively outlawed the drug throughout America. Today, drugs derived from the opium poppy, such as morphine and codeine, are legal but heavily restricted.

9. Marijuana

Usage of the cannabis plant, from which the psychoactive drug marijuana is derived, was unrestricted in America until the early twentieth century. In fact, in 1619 a Virginia law required farmers to grow native hemp on their plantations in order to produce textiles! Ironically, given its later reputation, the earliest state to ban the plant was California in 1913. Federal laws passed in 1937 restricted marijuana usage to the medicinal, and later laws in the 1950s introduced mandatory sentencing for possession, with the justification that marijuana was a ‘gateway drug’ into heavier narcotics. Medical marijuana is now legal in over a dozen states, although still prohibited by federal law. The current administration has indicated that federal laws involving medical marijuana will not be enforced in these states.

8. Methamphetamine

Nowadays a popular target for public service announcements, methamphetamine was first created by a Japanese chemist in 1893. In 1944, it was approved by the Food and Drug Administration in the US to treat a selection of medical conditions including narcolepsy, alcoholism, mild depression, and even seasonal allergies. By the 1950s, this legal medication had become popular under the name of Methedrine, but abuse had also become common. Passed in 1970, the Controlled Substances Act severely restricted its usage, although meth is still available under the name of Desoxyn for very limited uses. Bad news for the congested: since the 1980s, there have also been strict crackdowns on several legal cold-and-flu drugs that can be used to produce methamphetamine, like ephedrine and pseudoephedrine. These previously over-the-counter medications now often require ID to purchase.

7. Peyote

Mescaline, a hallucinogenic chemical derived from the peyote cactus, has been used by Native American religious ceremonies for thousands of years. Peyote use was outlawed in several US states in the 1920s and 30s, but remained legal in most of the US throughout the 1960s and was often shipped interstate to interested parties. Mescaline was restricted by Congress under the 1970 Controlled Substances Act. Currently, members of the federally-recognized Native American Church are exempt from criminal penalties for peyote use, as long as further state restrictions do not apply.

6. Cocaine

Many famous people of the early 20th century, including Sigmund Freud and the Pope, were cocaine users. Although cocaine is derived from the coca plant, which has been in use for at least 3000 years, its modern incarnation only appeared around the 1860s. Available in many forms, including dissolved into wine, it was prescribed by doctors to treat depression and morphine addiction. In America, it was popular as a treatment for coughs and pain, and was famously included in early versions of Coca-Cola. Although technically restricted by the Harrison Narcotics Tax Act in 1914, prosecution for cocaine usage was rare, and only became common after it was listed a controlled substance in 1970.

  5. LSD

The psychedelic effects of LSD, or ‘acid’, were discovered by accident in 1943, after the Swiss scientist who invented the chemical accidentally absorbed some through his skin. During the 1950s the US Army, along with the CIA, researched the uses of LSD as a potential ‘truth drug’ for use in brainwashing. Their experiments involved giving LSD to everyone from CIA agents to prostitutes, and recording the results. Soon, psychiatrists also became interested in its potential therapeutic benefits. Although LSD was still being imported from Switzerland at this time, the drug’s formula could be purchased for a small sum from the US patent office, after which a user could synthesize LSD himself. In 1966, after widespread abuse and ill-effects caused in part by people making the drug incorrectly, LSD was outlawed in California. In 1970, it was listed by Congress as a Schedule I substance, meaning it has no recognized medicinal or therapeutic uses.

4. GHB

Famous these days as a ‘date rape’ drug, GHB is a naturally-occurring neurochemical that produces a depressant, pain-relieving effect. A lab-made version was synthesized in the 1960s and was used widely in Europe as an anesthetic, particularly in childbirth. In the 1980s, it became popular among body builders as a legal sleep aid, and eventually as a legal recreational drug. After GHB became associated with abuse and accidental deaths, the FDA cracked down on its sale in 1990. It was not listed federally as a controlled substance (illegal to possess as well as to sell) until 2000 when, like LSD, it became a Schedule 1 drug. However, GHB has recently been approved as a heavily-controlled treatment for narcolepsy.

3. Magic Mushrooms

Also known as shrooms, magic mushrooms are fungi native to Asia and the Americas that contain psilocybin, a compound that produces an LSD-like effect in users. Magic mushrooms have been in use for millennia, but as recently as the early 20th century Western academics were still arguing whether or not they existed. Use among Westerners was popularized in the 1950s after an article on the subject appeared in Life Magazine. In the 1960s, psychologist Timothy Leary and many others promoted these mushrooms for psychological use. Possession of psilocybin-containing mushrooms was outlawed in 1968. However, since the mushroom spores do not contain psilocybin, spores are still legal in most states.

2. Ecstasy

MDMA, or ecstasy, was legal in the United States as recently as 1984. Synthesized and patented in 1912 by a chemist working for pharmaceutical company Merck, it was largely forgotten until the mid 1970s, when Berkeley professor Alexander Shulgin popularized it for use in psychotherapy. Shulgin claimed that it could help psychiatric patients achieve greater introspection and more openness with their therapists. Ecstasy also became popular in non-therapeutic settings, particularly nightclubs, and in 1985 was put under an ‘emergency ban’ and became a Schedule I controlled drug.

1. Heroin

First synthesized in 1874, heroin was first created as a non-addictive alternative to morphine. The word ‘heroin’ is actually a brand name created by the pharmaceutical company that invented it, Bayer. In the early 20th century, it was also marketed in the US as a treatment for coughs and as a kind of old-fashioned methadone program for morphine users. Unfortunately, the drug turned out to be more addictive than morphine. Heroin used to be legal, until it became apparent that it is more addictive than morphine, and can cause opiate withdrawal symptoms when its use is abruptly stopped. After hundreds of thousands of Americans saw their sore throats relieved only to be replaced with crippling addiction and long-term stays at a drug rehab program; heroin usage was severely restricted in the Harrison Narcotics Tax Act of 1914, and outlawed altogether in 1924.

 

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10 Books That Should Not Be Banned



The Soviets and the Nazis banned and burned many books that were not in line with their concepts; the Chinese go so far as to also censor the internet. Here 10 reviled written works that someone at one point in time or another wanted to ban are listed. What other works would you add to the list? (Please do not say Fahrenheit 451, that would be too obvious! For those of you who do not know what Fahrenheit 451 is about, it is set in a future where books are banned, and any that are found are burned.)

10. Mein Kampf (Adolf Hitler).

Although the author and his book are rightly reviled, banning this poorly written hateful manifesto deprives us of the chance to get insight into the mindset of Hitler and his followers. If leaders of democratic countries had read Mein Kampf carefully before World War II, perhaps the war could have been avoided and millions of lives saved.


9. The Origin of Species (Charles Darwin).

So-called “creationists” object to this book being considered science, claiming it is just a theory. Newsflash: The Flintstones is not a documentary! Man did not walk the earth with dinosaurs. Mankind came after the dinosaurs. That is why fossilized human bones are not found with dinosaur bones. This give credence to the theories of species extinction and evolution.

8. The Communist Manifesto (Karl Marx).

As with all political-oriented books, The Communist Manifesto should not be banned and should probably be taught to our kids with the purpose of giving them insight into the history of Communism and the Soviet Union. If books like this are kept out of schools, then the logical conclusion would be to keep all political and social commentary out of the public education sector.

7. 1984, Animal Farm (George Orwell) Brave New World (Aldous Huxley).

These 3 books are interpreted as a criticism of communism and totalitarianism and are thus not banned in the West, but they were in communist countries. Perhaps communists could have learned from the lessons in these books. Apparently, we in the West have learned nothing from them, as “Big Brother” is watching indeed!

6. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain).

Surprisingly, although the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is widely assigned to school kids for reading and has been adapted for movies and television numerous times, it is the 5th most censored book in America. Naysayers object to the use of the “N-word” and to what they deem to be racist. Most scholars who have analyzed the book view it as anti-racist, but that does not convince those book burners who see one racial slur in print and immediately assume the entire book is racist.

5. Ulysses (James Joyce).

Written in the “stream of consciousness” style, Ulysses is a pretty hard read as it is. Just like movies or television shows that feature language, nudity or other activities you might not approve of, no one is forcing you to watch the show or, in this case, read the book. If sexuality makes you squirm, DO NOT READ THE BOOK! It does not have to be banned just because you have a problem with the content.

4. The Satanic Verses (Salman Rushdie).

This book is a work of fiction, a novel, and not an attack on Islam. That did not stop hardcore Muslims from trying to ban The Satanic Verses or calling for the death of Rushdie. Honorable mention to The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis.

3. Lolita (Vladimir Nabakov).

Lolita is the story of a 37-year-old man who is obsessed with his 12-year-old stepdaughter. In the book, the man shockingly gets sexually involved with the girl. As this not a rare thing and can occur in even the best of homes, topics such as incest and pedophilia should not be swept under the rug.

2. Catcher In the Rye (J.D. Salinger).

Parents attempting to insulate their school-aged children from the real world have been trying to keep this novel out of the curriculum ever since it first was published.

Newsflash: Kids will eventually deal with rough language, moral dilemmas, sex and mental health issues and avoiding these topics only delays the inevitable. The Catcher in the Rye was the most censored book in America during the 1960s and 70s and remains a target of prudish parents to this day.

1. Holy Books.

Just because someone else’s religion is not in line with your views, does not mean you should try to ban their book or restrict access to it. Doing so is just a sign that you do not have enough confidence in your own religion’s message. The Bible, Koran (Quran), Book of Mormon, Talmud, etc. do not jump off the table by themselves and beat people into accepting their religion. If you have to coerce and force people to accept your beliefs, it might be that the message is not strong enough on its own.

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Top 10 People Who Claimed to Be Time Travelers

 

10. Father Pellegrino Ernetti

In 1992, Father Ernetti claimed that he, a French Theologian named Francois Brune, and twelve famous scientists had, during the 1950s, invented a machine called the “Chronovisor,” which would revolutionize the study of history forever. Of course, the Chronovisor isn’t an actual time machine, because that would be silly; it was more like a time window. The device allowed anyone using it to look anywhere into the past, and watch whatever events they desired. Ernetti described speeches by Napoleon, scenes from ancient Rome, and a performance of “Thyestes,” a supposed lost play by Quintus Ennius. Also: the Crucifixion of Jesus. jesus-chronovisorSeems to be taking it rather well, actually.

It’s about this time you’ll notice that we have no images of the Chronovisor (also it’s sixty years later and you’re pretty sure that you would have heard of this by now). That’s because Ernetti never actually let anyone see his device. Also, those scientists? All but two were anonymous, and those two were dead at the time it was announced. Oh, and there’s also the little fact that Ernetti admitted on his death bed that he had written the play and faked the image of Christ…while still insisting that the Chronovisor worked. But you’re not allowed to see it. So of course, this example is a hoax, unlike…

9. Billy Meier

Billy Meier’s interaction with aliens began in 1942 when he was only five years old. A Pleiadian by the name of Sfath came to him as a father figure, guiding him through life for eleven years before he died and was replaced by a woman named Asket. She too stayed with him for eleven years, before finally departing and giving Meier an eleven-year break from this kind of nonsense. Then, on January 28th 1975, Meier met Semjase, the granddaughter of Sfath, and — wait, do you want us to back up? Meier’s friends come from both far away (the Plejares star system) and the future — one fraction of a second in the future, from an alternate timeline in a parallel dimension. He also has only one arm, because of a bus crash. Yeah, that one came out of nowhere, didn’t it? Meier has warned of an impending World War III several times — it was supposed to start in November of 2006, 2008, 2010, and 2011, and now just two years after four world leaders die within seven days of each other. Of course, this won’t happen if we “finally gain mastery over (our) reason and change (our) behavior.” In other words, it won’t happen if it doesn’t happen, but if it does it totally will, so watch out. Anyway, after hanging out with Asket for a while, she decided it was time to take Meier back to meet Jmmanuel — who is, in fact, Jesus. They hung out for four days and talked about how much people have evolved in the past 2,000 years. Okay so fine, that one’s a hoax too. Unlike…

8. Jacques Vallee

Dr. Vallee is a french scientist and advocate of the Interdimensional Hypothesis, which states that UFOs are actually visitors from other realities, or times, other than our own. He claims that what we now call UFOs are simply the contemporary manifestation of something that has occurred throughout human history — what we once would have called a sign from God, we now call a UFO. Unlike other people on this list, Jacques does not claim to have traveled through time, but he has been witness to UFOs and therefore believes to have interacted with travelers from another dimension or time. In 1979, he was brought on as a consultant for the film Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and even encouraged Steven Spielberg to make the film about interdimensional beings instead of aliens, but Spielberg thought that wouldn’t be as interesting to audiences.

7. Charlotte Anne Moberly and Eleanor Jourdain

Charlotte Anne Moberly and Eleanor Jourdain were two women who experienced what would come to be call the Ghosts of Petit Trianon. In August of 1901, while visiting the palace of Versailles, both women claim to have slipped over two hundred years into the past to 1792. They crossed a bridge and wandered through the Palace, and even saw Marie Antoinette and the Comte de Vaudreuil, before retiring to Jourdain’s apartment. When they returned the next day, the bridge they thought they had crossed was gone. They first assumed they had stumbled into a private party or some other event they weren’t supposed to be attending, but their research uncovered nothing of the sort. Finally, they realized what they had done, and published their story, creatively titled An Adventure.

6. John Titor

John Titor was an anonymous forum goer, posting on several bulletin boards in 2000 and 2001, who claimed to be from the year 2036. He said he had traveled back to 1975 to get an IBM computer needed to debug a computer in 2036 (for some reason), but was making a personal stop in 2000 to visit his families and take pictures. He offered no explanation as to why he had stopped at 2000, but did offer several predictions about the future. For example, a second American Civil War started in 2005, and 2015 saw the US getting the Hell nuked out of it by Russia. So you know, watch out for that…and if you’re reading this after 2015, I’m sorry for being so flippant about the fact that we got nuked by Russia.

 

 

 

5. Bob White/Tim Jones

Back in 2003, hundreds of people around the internet started getting e-mails from someone who claimed to need an “AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 Induction Motor,” as well as some other…stuff. He had some links that went to websites, and was offering $5,000. He was friendly, engaged in conversation, and even offered to explain some of the mechanics of his time travel and teleportation devices. Eventually, someone offered him the warp generator, and was even given a time and place to meet them with the goods (the corner of Cummings Ave. and Village Street in Woburn, Massachusetts at 3:00 PM on July 28th, 2003). A few people went and waited, but there’s no record of anything out of the ordinary happening. Hopefully, Bob/Tim got home. Or, failing that, is resting comfortably in a mental hospital.

4. Air Marshall Sir Victor Goddard

Though best known as the guy who managed to avoid death due to a crazy dream his friend had, Air Marshall Sir Victor Goddard had at least one other crazy adventure during his time in the Royal Air Force. In 1935, Goddard was flying over an abandoned airfield in Drem near Edinburgh, when he encountered a weird storm. The turbulence almost caused him to crash, but he regained control of his plane and quickly flew out of the storm. At this point he discovered that, beneath him, Drem looked completely different: its hangers were new and refurbished, there were strange looking planes, and the uniforms of the mechanics were blue instead of brown. Goddard told some of his fellow officers about his experience, but when they didn’t believe it he decided to keep quiet. Four years later, the RAF started using the planes Goddard thought he had seen, and switched their uniform color to blue. It wasn’t until the 60’s that Goddard decided to write his whole experience down. There’s no tell if Goddard made the story up, suffered a coincidental hallucination or really traveled through time, but his experience is eerily similar to…

3. J. Bernard Hutton and Joachim Brandt

In 1932, two German newspaper reporters named J. Bernard Hutton and Joachim Brandt were hired to do a story on the Hamburg-Altona Shipyards. During their tour of the site, they, like Moberly, Bourdain and Goddard, suddenly had shared hallucinations of bombs exploding all around them, and anti-aircraft gunfire. They drove away in a panic. Eleven years later, the exact same thing happened — only for real. But here’s where it gets real freaky…

2. Doctor Ronald Mallett

Yes, that’s an actual PhD this guy has. Ronald Mallett is a professor of Physics at Connecticut University, and one of the few scientists who admits to believing time travel is possible. His passion for this study comes from two men: his father, who inspired him to pursue science, and Einstein — both of whom died the same year. Using equations based on Einstein’s relativity theories, Mallett has come up with several experiments involving neutrons and circulating light beams and, possibly, time travel. He says that, if he got his experiments funded, he could have answers within a decade. For just $250,000 (which is… surprisingly cheap, all things considered), Dr. Mallett says that he could get results. And this isn’t just crackpot nonsense; his ideas are published in peer reviewed journals. Still, this all pales in comparison to…

1. Dr. Stephen Frickin’ Hawking

Yes, that Stephen Hawking. Honorary Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts, Lifetime member of the pontifical Academy of Science, recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, Simpsons guest star, and guy who says time travel is totally possible. The idea is that nothing is perfect: no matter how smooth or flat something is, if you look close enough at it you will find “crevices, wrinkles and voids”. This is true for things in the first three dimensions, and could be true for time as well. Non-hypothetical evidence is observed every day with our GPS satellites. Hardwired into each one is an intensely precise clock, but every single one of those clocks gains exactly a third of a billionth of a second every day — but only once the satellites are launched. This is because “time travels faster in space than it does down below.” Which means, that if we went to a black hole in the center of our solar system, we could slow the travel into the future aboard that ship by half. Adding to the possibilities, if we found a way to travel at 99 percent the speed of light, a single day could be a whole year of time on Earth. That’s time travel. And according to really really smart people, it’s possible.

 

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10 Great Cheating Queens and Their Many Love Affairs

10. Queen Victoria, the Insatiable Libidovictoria-queens

She was 18 when she inherited the throne of England. Shortly after, she married Prince Albert. Unlike most royal marriages, theirs was happy and active to say the least. Perhaps the result of a hormonal imbalance, Queen Victoria had an unquenchable sexual appetite, comparable to nymphomania. She just couldn’t get enough of her husband. After Albert’s death in 1861, Victoria never recovered and wore black for the rest of her life.

The Affairs

After years spent in seclusion, John Brown entered the queen’s favors, a Scotsman who accompanied her on her fishing and hunting trips. It seemed the beginning of a beautiful 20-year-long friendship, but their compromising correspondence reveals more than amity. When he died in 1883, the queen went mad with grief. In 1887, 24-year-old Karim Abdul arrived at court to serve at the queen’s table. Victoria was 68, still mourning after Albert, the love of her life, and John Brown. Karim was tall, dark, and handsome. In less than a year, he became the queen’s closest confident, stirring the court’s wrath. Their relationship was anything but Victorian, it went against the rules, it was a taboo. Upon the queen’s death in 1901, King Edward VII had all evidence of the affair destroyed. Or at least he thought he did. Karim’s diaries recently surfaced, shedding light over Queen Victoria’s last great love.

9. Marie of Romania, the “Man-Queen” maria-queen

Sex scandals, illegitimate children, a strong will, and an unconditioned love for a country that wasn’t even hers to begin with. An assertive woman of rare beauty, a brunette with piercing blue eyes, her contemporaries called her the “man-queen.” Princess Marie of Edinburgh married Ferdinand de Hohenzolern-Sigmaringen in 1892, the heir to the throne of Romania. She was 17, he was 10 years her senior, and she hated him. Marie bore six children. Not all were Ferdinand’s.

The Affairs

Her contemporaries couldn’t stop gossiping about her affairs with German envoys, Polish counts, and Romanian politicians. Ferdinand himself was aware of her indiscretions, but chose to turn a blind eye. Her second daughter, Marie “Mignon,” was the product of an affair with an officer, Zizi Cantacuzino. The love of her life was Prince Barbu Stirbei, a handsome man with deep brown eyes. Ileana and Mircea, her youngest children, showed a curious resemblance to Stirbei that did not go unnoticed. Her son, Charles II, exiled her lover to end the affair. In her letters to her old friend she desperately cried love, sadness, and despair. In return, Stirbei always ended his passionate letters with five letters: i l y m m (I love you, my Marie).

8. Marie Antoinette, “Madame Deficit” marieantionette-queen

We all saw the movies and we all heard the rumors. But are they true? Marie Antoinette wasn’t exactly the harlot most stories portray her to be, but there was a special someone in her life beside her husband. She was 15 when she married Louis XVI, the Dauphin of France, who was more fascinated about locks and hunting than his lovely wife. For seven whole years their marriage remained unconsummated. Louis presented his wife with a lovely little gift, the Petit Trianon, a three-story house strategically hidden in the faraway corners of the Versailles. It was a great honor to be invited at the queen’s den, and those who weren’t started rumors of debauchery, orgies, and secret love affairs.

The Affair

Marie met Swedish soldier Hans Axel von Fersen at a ball in Paris when she was still the Dauphine. A chivalrous and handsome man, he was a frequent visitor at her Petit Trianon and even had his own apartment right above hers. Nobody can say for sure whether their love was consummated, but their secret correspondence written in invisible ink shows their great affection for each other. And loving a man other than your husband is still cheating, isn’t it? During the French Revolution, when Marie and her family were imprisoned at Tuileries, Fersen plotted their escape. He mortgaged his house and borrowed large sums of money, but the plan proved a failure.

7. Marguerite of Valois, the Price of Freedom margo-queen

Two times queen, mediation tool, dangerous hostage, an inconvenience that needed to be removed, Marguerite was a Catholic at the helm of a Huguenot country, whose mission was to bring peace. The seventh daughter of Henry II and Catherine de’ Medici, Margo was the bait in a criminal ambush that put her own life at stake, St. Bartholomew’s Day, sacrificed by her own mother on the altar of political expediency.

The Love Affairs

Extremely seductive, the pearl of the court and the pride of the Valois family, Marguerite saw no reason why she shouldn’t yield to her heart’s desires. Margo loathed her marriage to Henry, and they both took lovers. Joseph Boniface de La Mole is said to have been the first, though the queen does not speak of him in her memoirs, perhaps to protect herself from accusations of complicity in his plots against the king. Then, she met Louis de Bussy d’Amboise, whom she found simply irresistible. But they both lacked two important virtues: discretion and prudence. In 1580, when she was 27, she fell over heels in love with Jacques Harlay, Seigneur de Champvallon, her “handsome sun.” Having earned herself a reputation for loose morals, Henry III exiled her from Paris. In 1585, in an incredible gesture for her time, she abandoned her husband and traveled from town to town, consummating lovers until finally captured and imprisoned at Usson Castle, where she spent the next 20 years of her life, first as prisoner, then as castellan.

6. Catherine Howard, the Rose Without a Thorn catherinehoward-queen

In 1539, Catherine Howard arrived at court as the lady-in-waiting of Anne of Cleves, Henry VIII of England’s fourth wife. As soon as the king laid eyes on her, he was mesmerized. In 1540, his marriage to Ann Cleves was annulled and Catherine immediately became his fifth wife and Queen of England. Thomas Cromwell, who arranged the previous royal union, was decapitated on their wedding day. Still in her prime, young and beautiful, Catherine found herself married to an obese old man she just couldn’t love, and her past indiscretions soon caught up with her.

The Love Affairs

In her youth, Catherine fooled around with her music teacher, Henry Mannox. She also shared the bed with Frances Dereham, the two calling each other “husband” and “wife,” which at the time was considered an unwritten premarital contract. Back to her days as Queen of England, less than a year into her marriage, Catherine began flirting with Thomas Culpeper. The two often had clandestine meetings, but nothing nearly as outrageous as her next move: she brought her former lovers, Henry Mannox and Frances Dereham, at court. It wasn’t long before Dereham began bragging about their old affairs. Catherine was accused of unchastity and adultery and was sentenced to death. She was stripped of her title of queen, her lovers Derham and Culpeper were decapitated, their heads exhibited on London Bridge.

5. Caroline Mathilde, the Royal Menage a Trois Caroline-queen

In 1766, 15-year-old Princess Caroline Mathilde sobbed all the way from England to Copenhagen and throughout the marriage ceremony with King Christian VII of Denmark. Two years her senior, Christian was still a child, skinny, pale, and spoiled. He didn’t even want to be king and a few days after the wedding he realized he didn’t want to be married either. He began acting like a bachelor, hitting the brothels and getting drunk on the streets of Copenhagen.

The Royal Threesome

The marriage was finally consummated and the Queen of Denmark gave birth to a son. But Christian was mentally unstable and his condition was getting worse. In 1769, Johann Struensee, a German physician, arrived at court and soon became Christian’s closest confident. Young and handsome, he was the first person to actually listen to Caroline. After earning the queen’s trust, he became her lover, turning her into a fearless woman, urging her to seize power, convincing her there was only a matter of time before Christian would lose his sanity. With the king and queen’s consent, Struensee took over the country, attempting to turn it into an absolutist state. Chaos was unleashed, violent rebellions and reforms devastated Denmark. Caroline bore Struensee’s daughter. Happy and madly in love, she turned a blind eye to her lover’s extreme political ambitions. Enraged by their indecent behavior, their enemies plotted a coup. Accused of adultery, Caroline was tricked into confessing her affair with Struensee. Her lover was executed and she was sent away on exile. In 1775, aged 23, she died of scarlet fever.

4. Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots marystuart-queen

She was six days old when she inherited the throne of Scotland. When she was five, she left her homeland and arrived at Catherine de’ Medici’s court in France, where she became engaged to the four-year old Dauphin Francis, whom she married when she turned 15. A year later, the two became king and queen of France. Less than another year passed, and Francis died. A young widow, Mary returned to Scotland, queen of a country she knew nothing about. She was a Catholic in a land of Protestants, surrounded by enemies, and hoped that by marrying Henry Darnley she’d calm the troubled waters. It was a self-suggested love. He was an unscrupulous drunkard.

The Affairs

While Mary was still at the court of France, she met the Earl of Bothwell, a handsome and brave man, five years her senior. The two immediately clicked. When she returned to Scotland, Bothwell became her closest confident. After her lover David Rizzio was killed by jealousy driven Darnley right before her eyes, she hated her husband with every bone of her body and returned to Bothwell, whom she desired more passionately than ever. Darnley was killed in a mysterious explosion of gunpowder. Three months later she married the Earl of Bothwell, a Protestant. Their union led to war. Mary Stuart was deposed and imprisoned by Elizabeth I until finally executed for treason.

3. Queen Elizabeth I, the Virgin Queen out of; (c) Warwick Shire Hall; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

She is known as the “Virgin Queen” because she never married. What she may or may not have done in the intimacy of her bedchamber is a whole different story, still covered in mystery. She gave false hope to numerous marriage proposals, never stopped flirting, and yet never married or had any children. None that we know about anyway. She did mess around, but it’s hard to say whether the affairs were consummated. Still, there’s no doubt there was something between her and the young gentlemen who bowed to her feet.

The Affairs

Elizabeth had quite the taste in men, choosing them wisely: handsome, talented, and young gentlemen could at most hope of entering her favors. Ironically, the only man she could never marry was Robert Dudley, the love of her life. He had one awful flaw: he was already married. Elizabeth and Robert remained close until his death. She is said to have missed him terribly… Sir Walter Raleigh entered the scene to fill the void in the queen’s heart. He had it all, good looks, charm, talent, and a sense of adventure. But he made a terrible mistake by marrying in secret, infuriating Elizabeth and falling out of her favors. Robert Deveraux, Earl of Essex, was the last of the queen’s favorites. When they met in 1587, Elizabeth was 53. Devereaux was still a teenager. They were never apart and he was often seen leaving the queen’s apartments in the morning. A spoiled brat, he planned a coup. Elizabeth did not hesitate to order his execution by decapitation.

2. Cleopatra, the “Serpent of the Old Nile” cleopatra-queen

It was the last in the line of seven talented and strong-willed queens who ruled Egypt by the name of Cleopatra that earned herself a reputation as “the serpent of the old Nile,” as Shakespeare suggestively called her in his tragedy, Antony and Cleopatra. Beautiful and confident, her reputation was slandered by her Roman enemies, who accused her of arrogance, debauchery, and crime. In 51 BC, Cleopatra ascended to the throne with her brother, Ptolemy XIII, who, according to Egyptian traditions, was both her brother and her husband. She was 18, he was 10-years-old.

The Lovers

After Ptolemy tried to remove Cleopatra from the throne, she formed an alliance with the Roman Empire through Julius Caesar. She was 22. He was 30 years her senior. Their relationship was of political interest, both seeking power. In 47 BC, she gave birth to a son, Caesarion. Caesar never acknowledged the boy as his own, but Cleopatra did accompany the general to Rome, where she lived with him until his assassination in 44 BC. Cleopatra saw a new opportunity to use Rome’s power to regain Egypt’s lost lands when she met Marcus Antonius in 41 BC. Little did they know that their encounter would change the fate of the empire and their love story would live on as one of the most romantic tragedies in history. Enraged after Antony divorced his sister to marry Cleopatra, Octavius Augustus declared war on Egypt. Antony and Cleopatra were defeated in Greece and they both fled back home. Separated and in hiding, Antony received a false letter that his love had committed suicide and decided to stab himself with his sword. Gravely wounded, he was taken to Cleopatra’s hiding place, where he died in her arms. Heartbroken, she committed suicide by allowing a snake to bite her.

1. Catherine the Great, the 18th Century Cougar catherinegreat-queen

First things first, let’s be clear on something. Catherine the Great did not die while getting it on with a horse, nor did she die on the toilet, although the latter seems much more plausible. No, she died an uneventful, boring death, suffering a stroke and passing away in her bed. Alone. Yet looking back upon her life, it’s easy to see where these rumors may have sprung from. Although Catherine wasn’t particularly interested in horses, she had quite a fancy for their groomers…

The Lovers

The daughter of a Prussian prince, Catherine married into the Romanov family with a clear purpose: to produce a child. Grand Duke Peter showed no interest in making love to his beautiful, slender, tall, blue-eyed wife, the perfect Russian doll, so Catherine found other means to entertain herself. She seduced the secretary to the British ambassador Stanislaw Poniatowski. The affair produced a daughter and a few years later she made him the king of Poland. In 1754, she gave birth to a son, Paul. In her memoirs, she admits it was Sergei Saltikov’s, a Russian military officer. A strong and intelligent woman, Catherine knew she was nothing more than a pawn in a mischievous game of power. She plotted a coup, removed Peter, and took over the empire in 1762.

The Love Story

Prince Grigory Potemkin was vain, overweight, and missing an eye. But love has its ways… Catherine met him in 1774. He was a breath of fresh air, and she renounced all her lovers in his favor. She made him prince, but he wanted more. Catherine knew she had to let him go. The two did remain close friends and reignited the old flame whenever they met. When he died on his way to make peace with the Turks, Catherine uttered the words “Whom shall I rely on now? Prince Potemkin has played me a cruel turn by dying! It is on me on whom the burden now falls.” She never recovered from her grief.