Country singer and occasional actor Dwight Yoakam is a pretty versatile guy. He was great in Sling Blade, for instance, and he’s been a star on the music scene for years. But we’re going to go ahead and guess you didn’t realize his versatility apparently extends into the kitchen. Or at least, the microwave. Yoakam actually has an entire line of frozen foods under the label Bakersfield Biscuits. The most famous of his products are probably his Chicken Lickin’s Chicken Rings, which are exactly what they sound like. His company also makes Chicken Fries, which are not to be confused with his Chicken Fries Afire, Buffalo Bites, Pizza Fries, and Macaroni Mouth Poppers, among other things. Someone should probably let Dwight know that he’s a rich and successful middle-aged man, and he doesn’t need to eat like a 10 year old anymore.9. Nelly’s Pimp Juice
Hey, do you guys remember the rapper Nelly? He hasn’t really been on the scene for awhile, but about a decade or so ago he was one of the biggest rappers on the planet. The St. Louis native had some massive hits that were played at every college party and strip club in America before dabbling in acting with a role in Adam Sandler’s remake of The Longest Yard. Oh, and he apparently decided somewhere along the way it’d be a good idea to market a drink called “Pimp Juice.” While the name itself might make you think of bodily fluids, it’s actually a non-carbonated energy drink and, according to the label, was hip hop’s number one energy drink. Because, you know, there are so many hip hop themed energy drinks to choose from. As you might expect, the name of the drink created a little bit of controversy, with numerous groups boycotting the drink due to the implications behind the word “pimp.” But here’s a serious question – can you really boycott something no one was ever going to buy anyway?8. Tico Torres Baby Clothes
The name Tico Torres may not immediately ring any bells, but that’s what happens when you’re the drummer in a band named for a much more famous guy. Torres is the drummer and occasional vocalist for Bon Jovi, and believe it or not he’s also a moderately respected painter on the side. But that’s not the side business that landed him on this list, of course. Instead, he’s here entirely because he decided that a rock and roll drummer was the best person to design baby clothes. The line of baby clothes is not-so-cleverly named Rock Star Baby, and the designs are all pretty much exactly what you’d expect from an 80’s era rocker. You know, lots of leopard print, wings, stars, skulls, and other stuff that someone from Bon Jovi would associate with the word “cool.” In other words, it’s the kind of stuff you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing unless you’re a hair band percussionist getting panties thrown at you by middle aged women.7. Sofia Coppola’s Canned Sparkling Wine
Depending on your age, you know Sofia Coppola either as the writer and director of Lost in Translation or as the product of nepotism that almost singlehandedly ruined Godfather 3. The daughter of Francis Ford Coppola was given a lead role in the capper in the Godfather trilogy, and her acting was so abysmal that she basically never tried it again. But that doesn’t mean the nepotism stopped, as her dad created a product just for her at his winery: canned sparkling wine. Wait, what? We’re not sure if that’s an insult to her or not that his dad decided the most fitting thing for his daughter was a can of champagne, but we’re going to lean toward it being a nice gesture. The champagne is called Sofia Mini, and about the best thing that can be said about it is that at least it’s not boxed wine. That would be the point where even Sofia would have to realize her dad was still bitter about how bad she was in Godfather 3.6. Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt
You all know Steven Seagal. He’s the martial artist who starred in such classics as Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, and Above the Law. He was also in Under Siege but if you’re like us the only thing you remember about that movie was Erika Eleniak popping out of that cake. Anyway, he’s become something of an oddball over the last decade or two, trying his hand at actual law enforcement while also trying to become a musician. Oh, and he also sells his own energy drink. The drink is called Lightning Bolt, and we can only assume it’s made from his actual sweat and gives you super karate powers. At least that’s what we’re guessing based on the Amazon reviews, which are about the best thing to come from this line of drinks. One choice review includes a customer saying Lightning Bolt got him so pumped up he had an out of body experience while thwarting a terrorist attack, so you may want to start slowly with this particular beverage.5. David Lynch’s Coffee
David Lynch is, to put it mildly, kind of a weird guy. The famous filmmaker is known for his rather unusual style, most notably in projects like The Elephant Man, Mulholland Drive, and Twin Peaks. He’s the kind of guy you would expect to be doing the absolute oddest things at any given moment, all while smoking a cigarette and talking cryptically. Apparently on top of being peculiar, he’s also absolutely obsessed with coffee. Like, literally obsessed to the point where he wrote a column for the Huffington Post called “Obsessed” and launched his own line of coffee products. Lynch says that part of the reason he’s become so obsessed with coffee is that in order to inspire his creativity and artistic nature, he loves to go to all night diners and just drink coffee. He also claims that he would drink 20 cups of cheap, instant coffee every day, so he basically figured why not try to turn a profit off of other people as crazy as he is.4. Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania
Look, we all know who Hulk Hogan is. Even if you don’t watch, and have never watched wrestling, you know who Hulk Hogan is, for better or worse. The Hulkster rose to fame in the 1980’s as the main attraction of the WWF and popped up in movies like Rocky III before doing his own films like the hilariously bad yet oh so entertaining No Holds Barred and Mr. Nanny, and in the last decade has moved mostly into the world of reality television. And he’s also tried to steal some of George Foreman’s thunder with various horrible endorsed products. Hulk has actually claimed that the Foreman Grill was actually offered to him first, but he chose a different product and has regretted it every day since, so he’s been striving to find a new product of his own. The most notable launch for Hulk was Pastamania, playing off of his whole Hulkamania thing, which was supposed to be a chain restaurant. He’s also tried to shill burgers and, because he is clearly a man who has no shame, his own “Ultimate Grill” because hey, if you can’t beat Foreman, just blatantly copy him.3. Donald Trump Steaks
You can associate Donald Trump with a lot of things, like firing people, horrible hair, marrying much younger models, and bankruptcy, but one thing you’d probably never immediately think of when The Donald unfortunately springs to mind is “fine food.” Sure, this is a man who has no doubt eaten in many an outstanding restaurant in his life, but eating food and serving food are two very different things. That didn’t stop Trump from trying to market his own line of steaks, and along with them, his own steakhouse. Trump launched his own line of mail order steaks, similar to the Omaha Steaks Company, and also opened his own Las Vegas steakhouse to peddle these amazingly overpriced slabs of beef. Needless to say, things didn’t go so well early on. His steakhouse was shut down after health inspectors came in and tagged it with an incredible 51 violations, and the restaurant was shut down until the entire situation could be remedied. This is one time we wish there could have been a reality TV crossover that involved Gordon Ramsay screaming at Trump and calling him a muppet.2. Mr. T’s Flavorwave Oven
Because no one ever claimed that Hulk Hogan was the only 80’s icon and Rocky III co-star to get in on the “as seen on TV” shill train, everyone’s favorite A-Team member, Mr. T, has been hocking his Flavorwave Oven on infomercials for awhile now. If nothing else, this product has resulted in some of the most unintentionally hilarious and entertaining infomercials in history. After all, who doesn’t want to see Mr. T grumbling and growling about how awesome his product is? The amazing part is that this is not some new, amazingly inventive product that seems to be leaving Mr. T in awe, either. It’s a pretty simple convection oven with the big hook that it apparently cooks food in less time than usual. That’s probably why the stuck the word “turbo” in the official, full product name, because when you call something “turbo” it’s either an American Gladiator, or does something pretty fast.1. Sylvester Stallone’s High Protein Pudding
Well since we’ve mentioned two of Sylvester Stallone’s opponents from Rocky III, we may as well finish things up with the Italian Stallion himself, right? Look, there’s no denying that Sylvester Stallone is in abnormally good shape not just for a man his age, but any age. His workout regimen is pretty legendary at this point. But there’s more to it than just having personal trainers and working out seven or eight hours a day, apparently. There’s also pudding. Yeah, Sly at one point launched his own line of high protein pudding. It’s really perfect, when you think about it. It’s got the high protein that a bodybuilder needs, and it’s pudding, which senior citizens like Stallone absolutely adore. Unfortunately for Rambo, his pudding business went under when it was hit with a multi-million dollar lawsuit. Man, if you can’t trust an action star whose first movie was a porn and who has been accused of using steroids numerous times, who can you trust?
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